making them happen--- the crisis

I want to finish my college degree, land on a stable job preferably abroad. One day I'll take my parents abroad and work so hard so that I can provide them a comfortable and eased life. I vision of donating instruments to our church and supporting financially for its expansion. But beyond this dreams is a heart that is sometimes discouraged and tired. As of the moment I still find it difficult to be more diligent in school 'cause for all we know through education, better life can be attained. I know that I am blessed with good people and family around me but there's just this feeling of emptiness and confusion inside that consumes me over and over again. Confronted with various responsibilities, I am weakened. Whenever I am sad or down I am looking for this undefined outlet just for me not to burn out. I tried listening to music on my phone or simply by sleeping but it doesn't work for me anymore. I know I don't have any right to complain. As I am always reminded "you are blessed compared to others", but a question lefts me hanging. "If I am truly blessed, why am in the midst of confusion and constantly battling with myself?" But in the end, I leave it all to God. It is only Him who ultimately knows everything and can fix this broken freakin unstable emotions and stubborn thinking of mine. I hope this post will help as well. ;(